Has Your Personality and Life Changed? If So, Why?

If you read my post from last week, I talked about the big word ~ Commitment! I truly know that God has been trying to help me in this area of commitment in so many areas in my own life. God has heard my prayers over and over about how I so desire to want to live a life full of grace and mercy and love and be totally committed to Him. There is only one problem!! ME!! I haven't really been the same person that I use to be. Where was my faith in God? Why don't I trust Him like I should? My heart has changed. My personality has changed. My life has changed. It's like I have allowed satan to steal my life from me, and I feel so hopeless and defeated. Lord, I need your help if I am going to be totally committed to living my life that brings You glory!!
Well, I just have to say this is what God has been stirring in my heart these last couple of weeks.
It all comes back to the question ~ Why?? Have you ever had something happen in your life and you find yourself asking God ~ Why did you allow this to happen to me??
Twelve years ago I lost my sweet mother to cancer. It was by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through. From the time we left my dads house after the funeral and headed back home to Alabama my life had changed. All I could do for the longest time was to question God. Why did you take my mom away from me?? I miss her so much! I couldn't understand why He was allowing me to go through this pain and suffering. About 6 months after losing my mom, God allowed me to understand why I went through that pain and suffering of losing a loved one. As a Pastor's wife at that time, He used me to help two very dear friends of mine through the loss of their loved ones. I could truly understand how they were feeling and God allowed me to stand beside them and give them words of encouragement and love. It was amazing to see how God used me and gave me just the right words to say to bring comfort to my dear friends and many others after them.

A Healing Truth ~ If God has allowed pain in our lives, He has allowed it for a purpose - a good purpose, because He is a good God.

I could still be living a life full of anger and bitterness and hurt from the death of my mom, but God brought me out of my deep pit of despair and He is using me to bring comfort to those around me in the loss of their loved ones. God is so good!!

A Healing Truth ~ Because God is all-knowing, He knows the very source of your deepest pain- and He understands exactly how to touch it, heal it, and use it to bring about your highest good.

Here's why my title of this post is talking about your personality and your life as you are living it right now.
Within these last couple of weeks of really looking at my own life and where I am spiritually right now, I realized I am not walking close with God like I should be or want to be. This was really hard for me to admit, but I needed to change my heart. I can not be totally committed to God when my heart and life is not where it should be. Why? I know why ~ I was allowing anger, hurt, pain and so many other emotions invade my life and it completely was changing my personality. Wow!! Can something that has hurt you beyond words change who you are and how you respond to your family and those around you? Yes, it really can!!
Have you ever experienced a hurt so devastating and unbearable that you thought for sure it was just a BIG NIGHTMARE!!! And then you ask yourself that question, at least I did - God, if you are all- knowing, Why did you allow this to happen to me?
Many know our story, but for those who do not, I will just briefly tell about our journey that Jack and I have been on.
Over three years ago my husband betrayed me for another woman. I thought my life was over!!! I was totally devastated and hurt beyond words. My emotions were all over the place. One day I would be so angry at God for allowing this to happen and then the next day I would be crying out to God to help me. The question ~ WHY? was asked over and over again.
I remember sitting at my fathers table when I first saw him and some of the first words that he gave me were - "Becky, You know what Romans 8:28 says; And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose".
Jack went into the "City of Refuge" program which is through a church in Georgia that helps hurting pastor's and their families. After being in the program for a little over a month, I joined him and we went through the program together getting much needed counseling and support. You know when you go through a hard circumstance, sometimes you feel like you are the only one going through it. Well, I found out that there are many others who are hurting and going through hardships.
Jack and I completed the program in April of 2010 and the first weekend of May we re-newed our vows to each other.
Now I would love to tell you that everything has just been great and that we both are healed and moving on. We are getting there, but we have still gone through some difficult times and even a few months of separation since then, but our pain has not been in vain. God is redeeming our pain and He is using our story to help others. We never know why God allows hurt and pain and circumstances to come into our lives, but until we let go of the hurt and anger and unforgiveness we are continually living in our past and we are never going to be able to move on with our lives and experience a true relationship with God.
Here's the truth ~ I have been writing this blog for almost a week and satan has been trying to get me not to finish it or even just delete it. When he knows that your heart is changing and you are wanting to make a true commitment to God and experience all that God has for you, he is not a happy with your decision and he will do anything he can to stop you. You see, if you stay the way you have been- angry, hurt, bitter, unforgiving, always wanting people to feel sorry for you because of what someone has done to you. Easily frustrated and easily agitated.  Allowing the hurt to keep you from your quiet time and your relationship with God and maybe even going to church.  I could go on and on, but you get the idea. You are not living your life that brings glory to God. You are just living each day in your hurt and pain and not experiencing what God wants to give you. That's where I have been. Not wanting to let go of these last couple of years. Living in my self-pity and continually punishing my husband for what happened in our marriage.

A Healing Truth ~ Deep, exhausting, unrelenting hurt can bring you to the end of yourself-to complete and total dependence on God-which is the best place you could ever be. Whether your hurts have been caused by someone else's actions or by your own sins and failures, healing begins at the cross - the greatest expression of God's love for you.

Here is my commitment today~ Satan I am taking back what you stole from me, you are under my feet ( I am stomping on you really hard!!) and Lord, I am totally trusting in You to heal me and make me stronger in my walk. To use me as your clean vessel in helping others around me who are hurting. Use my pain for Your good! It's my desire to live for You!!
So my friend, here is a challenge for you. If you have been hurt by someone or have gone through a difficult circumstance~ How have you been living your life? Has your personality changed? If so, are you wanting to stay the way you are, living in your past hurts and unforgiveness towards someone ~ or are you ready to give it all over to God and trust Him totally with your life. To experience God like you never have before.
The choice is up to you!!
As for me and my house, I choose God!!!
* If you are needing healing and hope for your life's desperate moments ~ Here is a great book to read by Kay Arthur ~ When the Hurt Runs Deep.  All of the Healing Truths came from her book.

Psalm 51:10-12 ~ Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.

Be Blessed and Encouraged today!! God loves You!!

What Are the Desires of Your Heart?

I have noticed so many times in my life especially when I am trying to be totally sold out or committed to something I catch myself saying, "Lord, you know the desires of my heart, so please help me!" It's like I know deep down in my heart what I want but I know I'm going to fail at doing it over and over again. It really comes down to that big word that I have such a hard time with ~ COMMITMENT!!!
Do you know how many times I have tried to make a commitment to something and have quit along the way!! I know you probably don't have this problem, but I think if we were all honest with ourselves we would have to say that being totally committed to something can be very hard.
I would have to say that over these last couple of weeks God has really been trying to teach me something about the word Commitment. Maybe it's because He really does know the desires of my heart and what I long for in my life.
Commitment demands a choice!! I can either choose to stay the way I am or I can be committed to change! Now of course my desire is to change, but somewhere along the way I choose to quit or give up. I can hear that little voice in my head saying, No, Don't quit ~ You can do this girlfriend!!! Stay strong!! But then that little devil that sits on my shoulder cuts the rope that I'm hanging on to and I fall flat on my face. I realize commitment is a life-time venture, requiring time (of course we make the time for what we really want), it's also work and determination.
For instance, in some areas of my life I am determined to be committed!! My marriage to my husband is something I am very committed to. God gave him to me and I made the vow to him almost 29 years ago to be with him until death do us part. Marriage is a BIG commitment!! and sometimes it takes A LOT of determination to stay committed. Matthew 19:6 ~ So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man (or woman) separate.
Marriage takes a lot of work, it's not a 50/50 thing ~ it is a 100/100 commitment to each other. I can honestly say that our marriage has taken some rough hits within these last couple of years. Satan has tried his best to destroy our marriage and family. I have gone through some very deep pain and hurt and have come very close to giving up on our marriage. When you are in the midst of so much hurt and pain and your emotions are all over the place, it's then when satan knows you are at your weakest and will come at you full force to destroy you!! This is when I had to get on my knees and truly ask God to help me!! Help me make sense of what is going on in my marriage. I can truly say that because of God's grace and mercy, love and forgiveness, God has restored our marriage!! Praise God!!! He knew the desires of my heart!!!
How many areas of your life have you tried to make a true commitment on?? I've tried to stay committed to diets and exercise and so many other things in my life and I'm sure you have too, but then I always seem to get off track and just give up. It's just too much work!!!!
If I can just be honest with you once again, I am tired of my lack of commitment in so many areas of my life, but it's my commitment to God that I am determined to make stronger starting today!!! I need to have more faith and more character. As I was reading notes in my woman's study Bible it said: Commitment is Following Jesus!! The choice for us as believers ~ either we deny ourselves or deny Him; either we go His way, or we pursue our way. Commitment demands action; it cannot be divorced from responsibility. It extends beyond our relationship to the heavenly Father to other areas of life. Can I just say, I am tired of doing things my way. I'm tired of asking for God's forgiveness in areas of my life that I know I can do so much better at with His help.
One of my favorite songs that I use to sing was called ~ It's My Desire to Live for Jesus!!!
Here are some of the words: It's my desire to live for Jesus. Though often I fail Him and bring Him shame, still It's my desire to live for Him. If you could see where Jesus brought me from to where I am today, then you would know the reason why I love Him so. Now you can take this world's wealth and riches, for I don't need earths fame, Because It's My Desire to Live for Him!!!
Lord, you say in Your Word in Psalm 37:3&4 ~ Trust in the Lord, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Lord, It is my desire to be more faithful and more in love with you. To totally trust in You to guide me through every area of my life! Help me Lord starting today to make a stronger commitment to You, to my husband, to our sons and daugher in "loves", to family, our church and all the other areas in my life.
COMMITMENT ~ How's that word working for you??
What are the Desires of Your Heart?